I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize