There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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