Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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