Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
