My hand turned me down
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just puked most of my soul out..
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