if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
