I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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