I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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