Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
