What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
