I have demons in me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
