come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
thus making me awesome and them whores
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
