How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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