shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
