so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize