i think my tv is drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
