yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
