Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
