jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
