can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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