I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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