I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
