The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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