There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
