I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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