Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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