wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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