The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
