Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
