Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
