Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
