Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
