No, you can still breathe under the balls.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
