By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I could fuck to npr.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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