So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
