Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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