So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
