the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
