TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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