you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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