You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
