Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
