how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
