I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
