Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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