I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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