apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
