Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize