When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
