My sheets look like a crime scene.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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