you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
