Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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