its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
