Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
