I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
