I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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