He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
