I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
