I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
