I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just blew my weed a kiss
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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