dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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