I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
