you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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