I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
