Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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