so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
