Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
