Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
