Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
