I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
