Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
