My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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