no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
