so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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