Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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