They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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