hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
