Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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