Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
