if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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