"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
