im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
